I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
