your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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