If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
