If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
