Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
