And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
