they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
