i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize