Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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