You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
