no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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