Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
