In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
