I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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