YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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