i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
