When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
