I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
