Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found puke in my bra..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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