I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
whose ass print is on the piano?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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