i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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