She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm passing your future prison.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
