I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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