WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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