I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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