she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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