I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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