So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize