Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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