I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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