I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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