We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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