Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
