Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
