my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
