Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
