i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
