Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Houston, we have a blender
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
