I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
