Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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