I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
