For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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