direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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