what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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