My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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