NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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