sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
