I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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