The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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