I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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