i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
