I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
