I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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