Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
