I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
