You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize