She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
