I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
