Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
