my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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