the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
