I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize