I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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