And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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