some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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