I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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