it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
