Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
