I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
