he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
