So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
